Tales of a Bizarre Terrorist Banshee

Wow, there are times when you think to yourself as a parent, "Hmm...I believe we have entered the terrible twos." And then there are times when you reflect on those times and realize that you were dead wrong, because the current times...you have no words for. Terrible twos doesn't even begin to explain it.

Fortunately the good Lord gives these creatures, err, I mean children (or in my book Bizarre Terrorist Banshees/BTBs for short) a heavy dose of imagination. This serves not only to keep the BTBs exhausted parents on their toes, but also breaking out into spontaneous fits of hilarious laughter--lucky for the BTB.

I shall attempt to put words to the past few days in order to aide other unsuspecting caretakers in identifying a BTB should it emerge from your otherwise normal child. I shall also beg, plead, and weep in an attempt to extract advice from others who have endured the wrath of this peculiar creature.

When we moved Nehemiah into his big boy bed in the fall, I expected that he would get up and wander around his room, and I wasn't sure exactly how to keep that from happening. Then we tried it, and no joke, he would not get off of his bed unless we came and got him. He would yell for us, but would wait patiently until we arrived for his extrication. This delightful turn of events is no more. He has discovered his freedom--in a BIG way!

I should also explain that we are in the throes of potty training, which entails, among other things, lessons on how to undress and redress.

In the last few weeks, Nehemiah has started waking up in the middle of the night. He is not groggy. He is up like he would be in the morning. It started out that he would call for us. One of us (usually Ben, or Adelynne will wake up screaming, because she immediately knows when my presence is missing) would go to his room and put him back to bed. Then we started to cut his naps down--now he takes a nap maybe twice a week and has quite time in his room the other days.

Last week, the moon was particularly bright, which causes Maltby to be a bit insane--he insists on going out to chase the Wererabbit. He barks and is very noisy--so Ben would also get up to let the dog out, and he started noticing that Nehemiah's bedroom light was on--at like 2 am. He was quietly in there playing or looking at books, but not sleeping. The next day, he would be very tired and irritable. We figured he would eventually get tired enough that he would quit the habit. A few nights later Ben came out to let Maltby out, and all of the lights in the house were on, and Nehemiah was standing buck-naked, banging on the heater, and yelling for Ben. It was so unexpected, and didn't happen again for awhile.

Then, this morning, after a glorious, uninterrupted night's sleep, Ben got up to find Nehemiah, with very poopy diaper removed, and naked, who had stepped in his poo, and was now jumping and dancing on the couch. We were fortunate that there wasn't more around, but it was a little shocking. Ben handled it very well--Nehemiah is quite fortunate that I was nursing Adelynne and not getting up. I don't do so well in the mornings--I'm definitely a night owl--I would have been quite upset, but Ben was so patient. I was very proud of him, because it was a better reaction, considering that Nehemiah is in the middle of so much learning--I don't think he did anything purposely, but my gut reaction wouldn't have taken all of those variables into account.

Anyway, with the midnight mayhem, we are exhausted, including Nehemiah, which results in much more normal "terrible two" behavior during the day. We've been trying to be more consistent with the Dear BTB as far as discipline is concerned, cutting nap time, transitioning from the high chair, potty training, etc. I think it is all just a bit much, so I am hoping when some of these skills are mastered that life will slow down a bit and get back to something resembling normality!